sotongintehpeng

Thursday, August 23, 2007 one semester just ended for me.. now i realised i was not as angelic, as mature, as idealised as i thought. i hate every time my mother tell me that i resemble like my father, my great-grandmother or even her eldest daughter, for they are sometimes the root of problems and gossips.. the more i depised them, the most detestable i am. someone reminded of that me this afternoon. maybe i was a good person in my previous life, did so many good deeds that i'm spared for all the idiotic things that i did for the past 17 years of my life. i have a healthy body, but i always put it to the test and landed with injuries and a weak immune system. i have a brain in good condition, yet i allow myself to take advantage of it, and later regret for not doing my best in all examination. my life is filled with contradictions. now, i realised, i was the devil behind my broken friendships. i watched so many drama series and i told myself to learn to have no regrets in life and not take everything for granted. yet i failed to do so. i questioned myself; did i really meant what i said? if it so, why am i doing the opposite? i think i am a bad person, and a very lousy one. and thank you to those who have been torturing my nonsenses, thank you for being frank and let me see the ugliest sight of myself. i hate myself for being that way. time to learn it man! i'm turning 18 but i'm still like a wilful kid. my very first mission: i shall not make anyone frustrated and worried for me. :) Joanne