sotongintehpeng

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 some things just came crushing down on me.. i'm lost in the whirpool of homework, i losing grip in my strength of socializing, and fear for bad things might happen in what i think was so perfect.. i've been someone fill with ambitions and thoughts. maybe one day i'll start a revolution or somewhat, but guess i will not succeed if i kept lazing around. as a matter in fact, i had tough adapting to poly life.. it took me TWO WEEKS to get use to the time table, what i did in class was to sleep.. i'm having problem picking up new knowledge. many people ask me if i'm okay with the new life in poly. and given my outgoing character, many are expecting a positive answer.. yes, that was what i told them. but deep in me, it was a no. for the second time, i'm facing problem relating with people. i was all alone during the first week, i didnt know what to say. people have already come together and form groups. i certainely was affected by the sharp pain, the pain that i cant socialise and was left alone. i thought i can live up with it, then i realised i cant. life in poly pick up from then. i joined two ccas, NRA(dance) and inline skates. get to know more people, at least it brightens up my boring life. i get to know all my classmates now. and i have some clicks in class, we talked about school work and sometime jokes around. it is nice to have new friends again! now, my biggest concern is.. i know i should not mention it, this is case-sensitive. i'd like to tell all of you that, being in a big group of friends is not easy. you need time to know each other. and when unpleasant event occurs, you'll be like me. why i kept complaining because i think it's something that can be shared with people who understands, and i surely need them to know. it is something that affects not only me, but rather a group of us. and now things are more complicated. we will have to talk it out. common test is coming.. i did some class test, i know where i stand.. when am i growing up to understand what is independent and discinple? guess not until i regret.. it's vesak day! i'll be out with my family, praying.. but does prayers work when you dont work hard for your wish? doubt so. so people, depends on yourselves! tributes: thanks to kenneth & weina that i've discovered the deepest part of me at that point of time. they made me realised one thing: to face up with it. but what i did was to hurt them. kenneth was hurt that i diverted my attention to all my new friends, weina as well. i've been always a bad habit. i was so blessed that my secondary school mates actually lived up with it. it was kenneth was is so caring and willing to tell me something so negative. it takes some courage, you know, especially when you are risking your frienship for a bad habit. somehow, we solve problems the same way, we talk things out. we are fine now! BOYBOY, thanks for being there for me! sorry weina. you know sometimes.. when you know someone for too long, and knows about her dislikes and habits, you will tends to neglect those simple facts and made things complicated. what you wanted was simple and similar as what i desire.. i know it was my fault, for not being your ideal good friend, hopefully i can now do something for you, as well as for our friendship. thanks for tolerating me and my bad attitude or habits towards you.. i love you! there is still another team of people i'll like to thanks.. CHAOS! I LOVE YOU ALL! we indeed had great time since camp piak til now! thanks for being there with me too! looking foward to our chaos camp, and lets make it a good one! PS: people, visit the chaos' blog (chaostories) for more info alright! Joanne Wednesday, May 23, 2007 i'm having very complicated feelings. i'm happy that more people know about my thoughts, yet i'm feeling bad for speaking ill things about this two men. i shall label them "pervertic" and "sucker". pervertic comes from the word pervert, and i mean it, he's a PERVERT! he thinks he knew me for like 36 hours, he can behave like knew me for 3 years! no no! he's trying to act more than a friend.. he is so touchy! he put his arm around your shoulder, faces side-by-side when he takes a photo with you. you can feel his body's warmth for that few seconds.. and whenever he tries to start a conversation with you, you realise he is closer and closer to you. his eyes are so big, and his teeth are so white, he is simply like any other b*ng*l*, whose trying to prey on you! once, a friend and i was looking at the nice pictures on this laptop screen. i shifted very much to a big corner of the chair, for a better view. little i expected, he conveniently place his butt on the chair i'm sitting. again, you felt his warmth.. girls, you know what i mean.. the huge fear within of those he have done to me. later i come to realise, i am not the only one affected. i have the urge to tell him off for the entire female species' sake. well, i dont see a point in doing it now. i am afraid to even talk to him the fear can never be taken out of me, it'd be worse if he thinks of making amends for his actions. he certainely dont deserve this chance! what am i doing now, is to tell all people, especially girls, to keep a distance from him. you never know when he's gonna act (again).. here comes the sucker. i am not those good kid who listens to lesson and sometimes ask simply questions, maybe sometimes silly ones. he had the paitence to answer my question intially. as time goes by, he gave me this i'm-pissed-off look and ask me to figure it out myself. come on! i wouldnt be asking you a question when i can solve it! my learning style is different. i need explanations to understand why, i need to come out with my logic before i get the whole darn picture. i believe that we pay school fee to learn and when we ask, we actually learn too. and here i have someone who is paid for not solving his students' question, and talks about the text, instead of teaching us paitently. here is the worst scenrio, he suck up to students who are better off in this module. well, i am rebelling against him now. i know, this wont do me any good, because he teaches me the module. and i know, i certainely dont wanna depend my life on him, because he's not worth my attention, period. i shall prove my ability, not for his sake, but for mine. now, i am feeling so bad after i've bad-mouthed for the whole day. what will people think of me? if i am in their shoes, i think i'm too much of a idiot, making a scene out of it. i guess i am someone who moves my mouth more than i work. being too expressive isnt too good a thing sometimes. at least i found one of my flaws, it isnt too late to change. :P i need to move on, nagging too much brings me nothing. and now i know, i am not as mature as i think.. Joanne Tuesday, May 22, 2007 Your Heart Is Blue Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty What Color Heart Do You Have? You Should Weigh 155 If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight.If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon! How Much Do You Weigh? You Are Fun Sexy You're funny, quirky, cute, and sassy.Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy.You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through.Any guy would be crazy to turn you down! What Kind of Sexy Girl Are You? You Are a Little Addicted to Gossip In your view, most gossip is pretty harmless.And it's a pretty fun way to pass the time!You're willing to pass on some juicy details...As long as you're not impacting anyone's personal life too deeply. Are You Addicted to Gossip? Your Inner Blood Type is Type B You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day.Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable.And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success.You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible. You are most compatible with: B and AB Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio and What's" Your Inner Blood Type? You Aren't Cutthroat You definitely have ambitions and drive, but you also have integrity.You'll get where you want to in life, and you'll do it the right way.For you, the ends never justify the means. Are You Cutthroat? You Are An ESFP The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor. What's" Your Personality Type? You Are 83% Thankful You're an incredibly thankful person, and everyone around you feels very appreciated.You inspire people to be more optimistic, forgiving, and grateful. How Thankful Are You? You Are a Auditory Learner You tend to remember what you hear, and you have a knack for speaking well. You excel at debating, foreign languages, and music. You would be an excellent diplomat - or rock star! What's Your Learning Style? Labels: nothings. Joanne