sotongintehpeng

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 some things just came crushing down on me.. i'm lost in the whirpool of homework, i losing grip in my strength of socializing, and fear for bad things might happen in what i think was so perfect.. i've been someone fill with ambitions and thoughts. maybe one day i'll start a revolution or somewhat, but guess i will not succeed if i kept lazing around. as a matter in fact, i had tough adapting to poly life.. it took me TWO WEEKS to get use to the time table, what i did in class was to sleep.. i'm having problem picking up new knowledge. many people ask me if i'm okay with the new life in poly. and given my outgoing character, many are expecting a positive answer.. yes, that was what i told them. but deep in me, it was a no. for the second time, i'm facing problem relating with people. i was all alone during the first week, i didnt know what to say. people have already come together and form groups. i certainely was affected by the sharp pain, the pain that i cant socialise and was left alone. i thought i can live up with it, then i realised i cant. life in poly pick up from then. i joined two ccas, NRA(dance) and inline skates. get to know more people, at least it brightens up my boring life. i get to know all my classmates now. and i have some clicks in class, we talked about school work and sometime jokes around. it is nice to have new friends again! now, my biggest concern is.. i know i should not mention it, this is case-sensitive. i'd like to tell all of you that, being in a big group of friends is not easy. you need time to know each other. and when unpleasant event occurs, you'll be like me. why i kept complaining because i think it's something that can be shared with people who understands, and i surely need them to know. it is something that affects not only me, but rather a group of us. and now things are more complicated. we will have to talk it out. common test is coming.. i did some class test, i know where i stand.. when am i growing up to understand what is independent and discinple? guess not until i regret.. it's vesak day! i'll be out with my family, praying.. but does prayers work when you dont work hard for your wish? doubt so. so people, depends on yourselves! tributes: thanks to kenneth & weina that i've discovered the deepest part of me at that point of time. they made me realised one thing: to face up with it. but what i did was to hurt them. kenneth was hurt that i diverted my attention to all my new friends, weina as well. i've been always a bad habit. i was so blessed that my secondary school mates actually lived up with it. it was kenneth was is so caring and willing to tell me something so negative. it takes some courage, you know, especially when you are risking your frienship for a bad habit. somehow, we solve problems the same way, we talk things out. we are fine now! BOYBOY, thanks for being there for me! sorry weina. you know sometimes.. when you know someone for too long, and knows about her dislikes and habits, you will tends to neglect those simple facts and made things complicated. what you wanted was simple and similar as what i desire.. i know it was my fault, for not being your ideal good friend, hopefully i can now do something for you, as well as for our friendship. thanks for tolerating me and my bad attitude or habits towards you.. i love you! there is still another team of people i'll like to thanks.. CHAOS! I LOVE YOU ALL! we indeed had great time since camp piak til now! thanks for being there with me too! looking foward to our chaos camp, and lets make it a good one! PS: people, visit the chaos' blog (chaostories) for more info alright! Joanne